


A New Purpose

by SarcasmAndWine (Sforster)



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 14:48:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3492395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sforster/pseuds/SarcasmAndWine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prim and Peeta were never reaped. After Prim's last reaping, Katniss realizes that life is changing and she needs to change with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A New Purpose

It was after Prim’s last reaping that I realized it. I no longer had a purpose. For as long as I can remember, it was my job to provide for and protect my sister. When I was just 11 years old, I was the only person she could count on. Our mother wasn’t right after the death of our father, and I was left in charge of our home. 

Now at 18 and free of the reaping, she no longer needs me. I am no longer the most important person in her life. She has found someone else to fill that role: she has Rory.

You can say I was less than happy when she came home the day of her last reaping and told me he had asked her to marry him. I stormed out of the house and hid in the woods until the sun was nearly gone from the sky.

I felt horrible about how I acted but I couldn’t help it. I felt left behind and discarded. I just couldn’t bring myself to apologize for my behavior. Prim had every right to not talk to me for two days after that.

I found myself becoming more and more withdrawn from her as the days crept closer to her and Rory’s toasting. I could’t come to terms with my little sister growing up. But if I was honest with myself, it wasn’t the fact that she was growing up — it was that she no longer needed me. I wasn’t sure how to not be needed any more. 

Most girls my age were already mothers and wives. Something which I gave no thought to what so ever. I never wanted to marry or have children. I would never bring a child into this world to just be carted off to the games and possibly their death. I couldn’t do that.

As far as love goes, I just had more important things to worry about — like staying alive. Love was something frivolous; it made you weak. When it was there, it could be a strength; it could move you forward; it could push you to your limits. Like how my love for Prim helped us survive when my father died and my mother left us on our own. 

Just as it can strengthen you, it can make you crumble when it’s gone. I don’t want to love someone like my mother loved my father. I don’t want to allow the possibility that I could break and lose myself. 

Since I never gave thought to the idea of being in love, I was blindsided when Gale told me he was in love with me. He did it right in the middle of the square right after my last reaping where anyone could see. He told me that he has loved me for a long time and wanted to marry me now that I was free. I stared at him like he had two heads then ran. I ran to the woods and stayed until the sun left the sky. That seems to be the trend with me. To just run when anything becomes too much. But what do I do when I can no longer run from life moving forward? What will happen when I have to embrace it? 

He found me later that day in a tree staring off into the distance with my bow in hand, not bothering to hunt. 

“Katniss, what do you plan to do when there is no one else to care for? Are you planning to grow old and live alone once your mother is gone? You need to think of your future. The baker’s son is never going to marry you Katniss,” he yelled up at me.

The baker’s son? What was he talking about?

“What are you talking about Gale? I am not interested in Peeta,” I defend, crossing my arms and leaning back into the tree. 

“Oh come off it Katniss, I see the way you look at him! You watch him all the time. You look at him they way I look at you. You love him the way I love you. The only difference is I think he loves love you back.” 

I almost fell out of the tree I in when I heard his words. I don’t love Peeta, and he doesn’t love me. Gale is just making up some excuse as to why I won’t marry him. He just can’t understand that I just don’t want to be married. 

“You’re reaching, Gale. There’s nothing between Peeta and me.” 

“Am I, Katniss?” 

Once he realized I wasn’t going to respond, he left.

After that day, Gale and I no longer hunted together. We hardly have even seen each other since that day. I heard from Rory and Prim that he asked Millie White to marry him. That was a year ago, now they have a set of newborn twins. Two boy who look just like Gale with seam gray eyes and black dark hair atop their heads. I see them with Millie when I walk to the hob. Their seam home is small and run down, but Gale seems happy. 

I am not happy. I am just surviving. 

************

I hike my game bag higher on to my shoulder as I make my way from the fence that surrounds District 12 in to town to trade. I know the baker will trade for the three fat squirrels that weigh down my bag. I almost didn't shoot anything today as my mind wandered.

I climb the steps and knock on the bakery’s back door. I am taken aback when it’s Peeta, the baker’s youngest son, who opens the door. 

“Katniss, what do you have today?” If the surprise shows on my face he doesn’t let on. But I can’t help the stutter that forms when I speak. 

“What are you doing? Where’s your father?” I ask as I scowl at him.

“I am taking over for him.” 

I hear a slight waver in his voice that indicates I have hurt him, but he then clears his throat and smiles at me. 

“He and my mother have decided to retire. They turned the bakery over to me last month. Since my older brothers have taken over their wives families’ trades, I was the only choice.” 

I immediately feel regret for how harsh I sounded, but there wasn't much I can do to fix it. I replace the regret with indifference and open my game bag. 

“I have three squirrels to trade,” I say, while thrusting the bag at him. 

“Umm, okay. How much does my dad usually give you?” 

“For three, usually a loaf of day-old and a couple rolls.” 

He looks at me for minute, and I look any where but his face. 

“Okay come on in while I bag it up for you.” 

He opens the door a little wider to let me pass. I hesitate a moment before I shrug my shoulders and walk in past him. 

He takes the squirrels out of my bag and lays them on the counter. I look around and notice he is alone in the bakery. How can one person do all the baking for the district by himself? I watch him as he begins to bag the bread. I notice how his soft blonde curls fall into his eyes as tilts his head down. How the muscles in his arms flex as he moves. My face begins to flush, my cheeks burning a bright red. I should not be looking at Peeta Mellark that way. He probably has a girlfriend, if not a wife and children. 

Just as the thought crosses my mind, Delly Cartwright comes bouncing in, throwing herself into Peeta’s arms, giggling. 

“Oh my gosh Peeta, I am so excited I can’t believe it!” She giggles as she pulls him closer into a tight hug. 

Peeta wraps his arms around her and hugs her tightly, “I am so happy for you Mrs. Mellark.” 

When he calls her Mrs. Mellark, my eyes go wide as saucers, and I abruptly make my way to the door. I knew he was married, I shouldn’t have let my mind wonder. I don’t even know why I did; I feel so stupid. 

As I reach the alley behind the bakery I hear Peeta yell for me, but I ignore him and begin to run toward the Seam and my home. 

That night I lay in my bed and listen to the silence outside. I realize as I lay there that I am alone. Gale’s words from so long ago echo in my ears. What are you going to do when there is no one left for you to look after? 

Never more than right now have his words felt truer. No one needs me. My mother is doing fine on her own, she even has begun taking care of the sick and injured with Prim. 

Prim, she has Rory. Gale has taught him to hunt, and on Sundays — his day off from the mines — he goes into the woods with him. Most of what I catch now, I trade. 

I am alone. I wonder sometimes if anyone would even notice if I left the security of the fence and lived in the woods. I could do it. I could live by myself out there. It would be no different from what I am doing now, only I would be away from the prying eyes and gossip. 

I could do it, but I won’t. As much as I think I am not leaving anyone behind, I would be leaving people who love me. I couldn’t live with myself if I never saw my sister again or got the chance to see her future children. 

I screw my eyes shut and wait for sleep to find me, but I see bright blue eyes behind my lids. My eyes fly open. Why did I run away like that today? I looked positively crazy by just running off. I have no claim on Peeta Mellark. I don’t know what was going through my mind when I reacted like that. 

Of course he would be married to a pretty merchant girl by now — we’re already both 22 years old. I don’t even feel anything towards him. I don’t even know him. 

He doesn’t know me and I don’t know him. If anything, he pities me. I am nothing more to him than a charity case. 

I still remember that day in the rain like yesterday. I was 11, my father had just died and my mother was lost in a sea of her own misery. Prim and I were starving, close to death, and he saved us. When he tossed me a loaf of bread, he not only fed us, he gave me hope. 

But I do know him, I watched him each day in school. I watched to make sure his mother wasn’t hurting him too badly. I watched him as he sat in the lunch room with his friends laughing and goofing off, as I sat silently with Madge. 

I hid behind the last row of bleachers as he won the final wrestling match our last year in school. I ran out the minute his eyes caught mine as I cheered for his victory. I held my breath as the boy’s name was called at our last reaping. I silently hoped it wasn’t Mellark. When it was over, I saw his blue eyes looking at me, and I held his gaze and smiled. 

A small smile spreads across my face without my permission, and I feel a warm sensation feel my chest. Gale was right. I noticed him. I watched him. I know him.

I wake in the morning to knocking on the door. When my eyes open, I notice that the sun is just peeking over the horizon. I hear the knock again, and then a male voice accompanies it. 

“Katniss, it’s Peeta.” 

Why is he here? I am embarrassed enough that I didn’t need him coming all the way to my home. I throw my quilt off and make my way to the door. 

“What?” I snap as I throw it open. 

“You forgot your bread yesterday. I couldn’t leave the bakery to go after you so I thought I would just bring it to you this morning.” Peeta says and he hands me a white paper bag. 

“Thanks” I say as I take the bag. Immediately regretting my tone. 

“Why did you run off like that?” 

“I felt like I was intruding on a moment between you and your wife.” 

“My what?” He asks his voice rising an octave.

“Delly. Your wife. I heard you call her Mrs. Mellark.” 

“Katniss, no. She’s Rye’s fiancé, not mine. She was excited because he asked her last night. That’s why I called her Mrs. Mellark.” 

Rye is Peeta’s middle brother. He is a year or two older than us, I wonder why he waited so long to marry. Let alone marry Delly? When were in school she was a round girl who could have stood to loose a little weight with big fat blonde curls. It seems now that she has shed the baby fat. 

“Yeah they have been together since we were in school. They want to wait to marry to make sure she would inherit the shoe shop. Now that they know she is, they are going to toast next week.” 

“Oh.” 

It’s all I can say. My face heats up and turns a shade of pink. I don’t know where to look, but I know I can’t look at Peeta. 

“Yeah, ‘oh.’ Well, anyway, I just wanted to drop off the bread you forgot. I won’t bother you any longer. See ya, Katniss.” He sets his mouth into a thin line and shoves his hands into his pockets as he turns to leave. 

There is something in me that can’t let him go just yet. I think it’s my curiosity that over comes me. I always thought it was odd that I never saw him with a girlfriend when we were in school. Not that I was watching him in school. He doesn’t matter to me, I am just curious — nothing more.

“Peeta?” I ask. “Why haven't you married?” 

“Why haven’t I what?” His eyes are wide as saucers as he stops in his tracks. 

“I mean you were so popular in school. I thought that you would have girls lined up at your door.” I say while fiddling with the end of my braid. 

“I guess the right girl wasn’t one who was lined up at my door. I could ask you the same question. Why aren’t you married? I thought you and Gale would have toasted.” 

“I don’t — I mean, I am not in love with Gale. He’s married to Millie with a set of twins at home. Plus I don’t want to get married, ever.” 

He has nothing to say to me at this. He just nods his head in farewell and begins to walk away. He hardly gets three feet way from the house when he stops and turns back. 

“Katniss would you— I mean do you want to maybe…” he is fumbling, sounding incoherent. 

I raise an eyebrow encouraging him to go on. 

“Okay let me start over. Katniss, would you like to go for a walk with me this Sunday around noon?” 

Well, that’s not what I thought he was going to as me. I can’t find the words to answer him, so I just bite my lip and nod my head yes. 

A wide, brilliant smile spreads across his face. It reached up to those beautiful blue eyes that are now sparkling.

“Then I’ll see you Sunday.” He says as he walks away the smile never falling.

I retreat into my house, bread in hand. 

As I set the bread on our the kitchen table, I see my mother sitting in the rocking chair by the back window, staring out, not really looking at anything. 

“That boy is in love with you. I can tell by the way he looks at you.” My mother says in a low strained voice. “He looks at you the same way your father looked at me.” 

Has she lost her mind?

“You’re wrong,” I tell my mother as I sit on the worn sofa. There is no way that Peeta Mellark would love me. 

I know he does’t love me. But maybe one day he could if he got to know me. And if that one day comes, I might let him. 

I might soon find my new purpose.


End file.
